Karkat and Iris Rob a Bank
by TuraHarmonia
Summary: In which they never really rob a bank. Instead, they escape prison.


This fanfiction was never supposed to make sense. It just sort of… happened. I'm sorry that you ever started to read it.

Also, I don't know that much about Karkat, so most information about him will probably be false or stretched. (Though, yes, I do read Homestuck, but not often.) The only reason he's in the story at all is that he was in the dream I had that sparked the idea for this story. If you don't approve of his usage in this fanfiction, replace him with your favorite male character in any media, and replace "troll" with whatever species your particular character is.

-Tura

* * *

The train was going even faster. "Iris, help!" Karkat yelled. I grabbed his hand and started to haulhim up into the car. It took a bit of effort, but soon, I pulled him up into the train car. The troll rolled over and landed inside the train car. Our orange prison jumpsuits were ripped up and splotched with mud.

I'm giving out too much. Let me start from the beginning…

I was hanging out with my friends in Nimbasa City a few days ago. Being particularly bored since Touko and N were on the Ferris wheel, Touya and Bianca were kissing, and Cheren was… Actually, I have no idea what Cheren was doing. Anyway, I got ice cream.

I stood behind a strange teenager in line. From the back, what stood out to me was the candy corn colored horns poking out of his ebony hair, and his gray skin. I was guessing he was a cosplayer of some sort, but I don't know what character he was being. He bought his ice cream and stepped aside for me to buy mine. He lounged on a bench, eating his ice cream.

The white part of his eyes was actually an orangey yellow. Now this I knew was either natural or injected. I stared at him for a bit, trying to figure out what he was cosplaying as. I know Bianca showed me a picture of a similar character on the internet, but that girl has so many fandoms going on that I couldn't keep them straight. I just stick to video games. The internet is not a place for me.

The ice cream guy cleared his throat. "Oh, sorry." I apologized. "Vanilla waffle cone, please." He gave me my ice cream, and I paid for it and left. I sat down on the same bench the cosplayer was at. It was a rather large bench, and we were both at different ends of it, so I guessed it was okay.

I kept staring at him while licking at my ice cream. Of course, he noticed. I'm so great at being subtle. The cosplayer then spat, "What, you gonna propose?" He ate the rest of his ice cream.

"Yes." I said. I held out my ice cream. "With this."

After that, we talked awhile. He introduced himself as a 'troll' named Karkat, whatever that meant, and said he wasn't a cosplayer. He actually asked me if I was one, seeing as my day-to-day outfit is so ridiculous even my mother hates it when I wear it.

We were walking around Nimbasa City when a Plasma Guard approached us. (Recently, N took over as king and installed his Plasma grunts as guards.) "By order of the king, stop right there! You have committed crimes against Unova and her people. What say you in your defense?" He demanded, with a thick accent.

"What did we do?" Karkat asked. He was eating my ice cream now. He got hungry earlier and paid me for my ice cream, which I barely touched.

The guard pointed to the massive amount of ice cream-covered napkins at our feet. "Littering is a serious offense that will only be punished by jail time." He explained.

"That's bullshit." Karkat retorted. Only seconds later, the two of us were in chains and being hauled off to the nearest prison. We had to change into orange jumpsuits after, and then after, we were thrown in a cell.

"I always thought that prisons were gender-specific." I commented.

"That's all you have to say? Seriously?" Karkat asked.

Smiling, I said, "Uh-huh!"

"You're an idiot." The troll said to me.

"Oh, I feel so much better now that you said that." I said back to him. "You're the nicest person in the world because of that. Maybe I should get you a present because-"

Karkat covered my mouth with his hand. "You suck at sarcasm." I nodded in agreement.

We bickered like this for a few hours until it was time for bed. We laid down in our own beds and tried to sleep. I did, but Karkat was out cold. Snoring reverberated through the cell, which kept me up. This is why I can never have a sleepover with Touya. He's always snoring. It really pisses me off when he does that, but he can't help it. I still blame him anyway.

I was struggling to sleep during the whole night. I kept tossing and turning, nearly falling off the top bunk in the process of this. Once, I had the urge to strangle him with one of my hair ties. Finally, it was dawn. Two trays of breakfast had been deposited inside the cell. I jumped off the top bed and grabbed my food.

Karkat rolled out of bed, from perhaps smelling the food or because of whatever the hell woke him up, and walked next to me. He started eating some of the food, keeping his eyes down and away from me. As Bianca would say, he would be classified as a 'bad-boy bishie' in anime, keeping to himself and having an angry disposition, and never letting any girls into his life. Well, I'm not interested in guys! I swear! I'm not…

We ate breakfast rather quickly and then lazed the day away lying on our beds, staring at the ceiling. (Or, in Karkat's case, staring at the back of my bed.) Around 2:30, I think, Karkat started talking.

"You know what…" He started. "We were unfairly put in here."

"Yup." I replied.

"We should break out." He continued.

I rolled over onto my stomach and faced him. "And how will we do that?" I asked.

"I… I have no idea." Karkat replied.

"Me either."

"I'll think this over a bit more." He then said.

"You do that."

It took the rest of the day, but Karkat thought it out. He explained the plan to me but I guess it just went in one ear and out the other. It was too convoluted of a plan for someone like me to process. If someone like, say, my mother was in my place, she would probably be the one who thought it out.

Karkat looked up at me and snapped his fingers in my face. My crossed eyes focused in on his gray fingers. "Wh-what?" I asked.

"You okay there?" He asked. "Do you have a problem with the plan or what?"

"Can't we just do something simple? Like, can't you just get me pregnant and I can just escape in the hospital or something?" I asked.

"Huh?" Karkat screwed up his face, confused at what he was saying.

"Alright, let's just do it your way." I gave up.

We waited into late that night to start. The guard was dozing in his chair, so Karkat pried away the bars, and we slipped through. All the other prisoners were asleep or distracted, conveniently, so we were free to roam about.

The troll and I ran to the end of the hallway, and I slipped the keys out of the guard's hand. Karkat handed me the ceramic bowl that we ate salad in for lunch, and I whacked the guard over the head. He was knocked out for sure. We then locked him in our cell.

The two of us exited the prison and slipped into a bathroom. We both entered the men's bathroom, since that one was the one that had a window. We slunk through a window and tumbled outside. Karkat went first, so I fell on his torso. I started giggling and blushing, but Karkat wasn't amused.

"Stop stalling." He said. Very blunt. We both got up and started running. A couple hundred feet, I guess, behind the prison was train tracks. Cliché, but convenient. It was even those old open cars!

I smiled. "C'mon, we can board the train!" I said to Karkat. He nodded, not even smiling. Does this demon teenager child thing ever smile?! We sprinted over to the train, which started up. The train started rolling out of the station, and we tried running even harder. The two of us weren't at our best physical-wise. My body needs beauty sleep, and I guess Karkat needs his, too. Our food wasn't sufficient for athletes.

"Goddamn it! Shit!" Karkat yelled. He was hoisting himself up to his feet. When he stood up and continued running, he was limping and holding his thigh, which was bleeding.

"What happened?" I asked, jumping onto the train car.

"I tripped and pulled my frigging muscle! What the shit do you think I did?!" Karkat was yelling.

"I thought you were making hot chocolate!" I yelled back sarcastically.

The train was going even faster. "Iris, help!" Karkat yelled. I grabbed his hand and started to haul him up into the car. It took a bit of effort, but soon, I pulled him up into the train car. The troll rolled over and landed inside the train car. Our orange prison jumpsuits were ripped up and splotched with mud.

We were both panting hard. I rolled my head over to face Karkat. "You okay?" I asked.

"For now. Let's just see what it's like in the morning."

We fell asleep fairly quickly. As always, I used my hair as blankets and a pillow. Karkat was lying on a crate, curled up in a ball. When I woke up, daybreak was nearing. The sky was already being painted with dawn's colors. I shook Karkat awake.

"Huuhh?" He asked.

"Just wanted to wake you up." I said. "We don't want anyone catching us, right?"

"Right."

"How's your leg?"

"Kinda sore…"

"Lemme see."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

I gave up after that and decided to take a look inside the crates. It turned out the train was for a department store in Snowpoint City in Sinnoh… I saw flurries of snow from outside of the box car. Karkat pulled some clothes out of the box.

"Better get changed." He said. I got changed quickly, but Karkat took his time. I saw the long gash along his thigh. His blood was being sealed up by a scab.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

"Only if you touch it." Karkat replied. I touched it, and so naturally he yelled and kicked me in the face.

"Ow!" His kick gave me a nosebleed, so I was pinching my nose.

"You deserved it."

"Shut up."

The rest of the train ride was spent with us playing tic-tac-toe over every surface in the car. Karkat always won, since I have a small attention span. The train stopped back in Nimbasa City…

"Really? Okay." Karkat sighed. We hid behind a few crates as workers started unloading them. I peeked around the corner of one and saw a few Wanted posters taped up, with our faces on it.

"Once the guys leave, we can run." I said.

"Where will we hide next?" Karkat inquired.

I tried thinking of that. "We steal a motorcycle and hide out in Lostlorn Forest until my friends come and get me?"

"That's actually a decent idea. But I have to get ahold of my friends, too." Karkat explained.

We executed the plan perfectly, except for the motorbike part. Neither of us could figure out how to jumpstart the engine. We were later busted by the owner of the bike.

"Iris? What are you doing?" Touko asked. "And where were you for the past few days?"

"Well, Karkat and I were arrested for littering and we broke out." I explained.

"I've been meaning to tell N to change that law. Sorry about that." Touko apologized to us. She texted someone quickly then turned to Karkat. "What do you need?"

"Can I borrow your computer?" He asked. Touko took out her laptop from her messenger bag and gave it to Karkat. "Thanks." A few minutes later, he gave back the laptop and explained that his friends were coming to get him.

Another few minutes later, a troll and a human boy came to get Karkat. I knew that the boy was named John. He and I were mutual friends after he sort of saved my life. I had no idea who the troll was.

"Hi John." I said.

"Hey." He turned to Karkat. "You owe us ice cream."

"What is it with you guys and ice cream?" I asked.

"I have no idea." John laughed. Looking at Karkat, he said, "Let's go already."

"Gladly." Karkat replied. The three boys started walking off.

"Wait!" I said. Karkat turned around. Blushing, I asked, "Do you… Do you want to hang out tomorrow or something?"

Pupils going small, he replied, "Not on my life."

I haven't seen him since then.


End file.
